When I very first sat down to start ‘Invisus’ it was a moment of adrenaline and emotion as my cherished first sentence expanded into 500 words which I was pretty pleased with. I felt I was meant to be writing.
Encouraged by having produced something I liked, I sat down the next day to reread and continue. I was looking forward, with a slightly fearful anticipation, to reading the phrases I felt had validated taking that first breath-holding dive into the land of my creative consciousness. I opened up the file, and there it wasn’t. The file was there but the words were not.
My insecurities flooded back and I was angry, at the computer, at myself, at the world. How dare anyone or anything snatch away my creation? Then the thoughts; is it a sign? an omen? am I not meant to write it? I needed to decide how I was going to deal with this and I needed to decide fast. I knew if I let those thoughts win I would drop the project. Oh yes it would sit there as something I would do one day but it wouldn’t happen in the now.
So what to make of this ‘sign’ or ‘omen’? Some of the thinking behind the plot is quite dark. Perhaps I was not ‘meant’ to write it and the cruelty of losing that first precious attempt was to ensure that I was stopped. Or was it that I had started so many projects in the past that my determination was being tested?
Like fortune telling, coincidence and odd events, perhaps it is our own interpretation that is the most important. Strange things do happen which can be seen as signs or omens needing to be noticed. Sometimes it seems that what happens must be a sign for a path needing to be followed. Or is it that in wanting to follow that path, perhaps subconsciously if not consciously, the sign seems to point in that direction?
I still knew my first sentence so I started again, hoping that the best of what I had written was still in there and able to reform. If my determination was being tested then it had passed the test.